Get Smart
The Steve Carrell / Anne Hathaway 2008 theatrical remake obviously.
The pastime of organizing my music library has taken days of my life (no complaints) — the way I’d check and re-check (and also double check) [and don’t forget triple check] various fields when iTunes was our collective normal listening application… you would NEVER catch my music library without the best quality album art the internet could provide!!!
But cast aside that I care about this more than you do (yes complaints), as I’m going to bring you into my favorite element of THE MUSIC LIBRARY that you’ve likely forgotten since our mobile devices don’t make it easy… and that’s the Smart Playlist.
I think it’s very possible I’m the one person within reach that still uses Smart Playlists regularly. And I’m not talking about the automatic lists that Spotify creates each day with increasingly unhinged names like “sitting under an antique table while drinking whole milk on a foggy day”.
I live and die and resurrect-on-Easter for the Smart Playlist. A window full of parameters and rules to make the computer do the work. It’s like being knowledgable about Excel formulas but in a cultured way. It’s like if AI was actually useful. Its practical uses have many diminishing returns but what part of my life doesn’t fit that description?
When you got your first use of iTunes before Obama was a known name, the app automatically had “Top 25 Most Played” — a live updating list of… well the 25 most played songs duh. Below are some smart playlists I’ve been using recently and caution: puns incoming.
ICONS
Rules: Song is marked as favorite
I actively use the “favorite” feature in my library which keeps this list a go-to when I just want to hear only songs I know every word to. Songs on your favorites may include such entries as “Let It Be” whereas I’m cultured so I’ve bookmarked ”Good Time” by Carly Rae Jepsen and Owl City and the pop song from the end credits of Wreck-It Ralph (also by… Owl City). The way to keep this list demure though is with my made-up rule that only allows me to favorite songs if they’ve existed for a year; no willy nilly loving every song from Sabrina Carpenter’s Short N’ Sweet (yet).
I’m only now realizing what this man looks like. Sorry to this man. You betcha “Fireflies” by Owl City is on this playlist too.
YOU TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT ME DIDN’T YOU? RUDE.
Rules: 25 songs selected by least recently played.
A shuffle of songs I have heard the least recently in my library. At any given time, there are 8 deep cuts from the WALL-E score mixed with Britney Spears non-singles. I dare you to imagine this being a cohesive listening experience.
FIVE BELOW
Rules: Play count is less than 5
This discount chain store is unclear to me but this playlist helps me have a list of recent additions, should I need to consider these new entries before accepting them as a permanent part of my library. Much of Katy Perry’s new bad album 143 didn’t survive 5 plays before deleting. Same with Lady Gaga’s Joker: Folie à Deux offshoot Harlequin. Woof.
RECENTLY ADDED BUT LIKE, WAY MORE
Rules: Date added is within the last year
A rotating long playlist of songs that have come into my life in the last 365 to 366-in-a-leap-year days. A serial-killer-like personality quirk I have is, when faced with not knowing what to play, I just shuffle my entire thousands-of-songs library (see above about the cohesive listening experience). So instead, I use this hundreds-of-songs playlist that I now go to more than the full-library-shuffle (FLS for short).
RAISIN BRAN
Rules: Artist Name contains “bran”
A playlist that includes Brandy, Brandi Carlisle, and Michelle Branch exclusively. Anyone named “Brian/Bryan” just missed the cut.
(THIS TITLE REDACTED BC IT’S NOT FAMILY-FRIENDLY)
Rules: Title contains “From the Vault”
A list of all of the new songs included with Taylor Swift album re-releases. Unfortunately this has now been stagnant for about a year… Reputation (Taylor’s Version) whennnnn?
AND THAT’S WHAT GUEST STAR YOU MISSED ON GLEE!
Rules: Artist contains “Glee Cast” AND Title contains “feat”
Times when Glee invited guest starts to sing with them to wildly uneven results. Highlights include Gwyneth Paltrow singing Cee-Lo Green and lowlights include Gwyneth Paltrow singing Cee-Lo Green.
SONGS BY BAD PEOPLE
Rules: Artist contains “Michael Jackson” OR “R. Kelly” OR “Diddy” OR Audiobook is by “J.K. Rowling”
This is not real. I don’t have this playlist. I do have Harry Potter books on my bookshelf because I was born in the late eighties but I do not have the Harry Potter audiobooks. I have listened to “Ignition (Remix)” more recently than I’m probably supposed to admit, though.
WHY ARE YOU YELLING? PLEASE.
RULES: Artist contains an exclamation point
If you thought there’s no purpose in only listening to P!NK and Panic! At the Disco and also 3OH!3 well… you might be right!!!!!!
MARRY ME (ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK)
Rules: Album Name contains “Marry Me (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)”
This includes all of the songs from the album Marry Me (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) which is a companion to the 2022 motion picture Marry Me starring Jennifer Lopez. “Church” stans know.1
Basically, if you too are Apple-pilled, dive into your music app on your computer (not mobile device gasp) and pretend you’re proficient at coding by combining rules into new smart playlists. It’s like crafting but for people who like screens more than glue guns! And boy do I like screens.
James Hamilton, a friend of mine (and former boss but not anymore so he’s not paying me for this recommendation!!!) just released his long-in-the-works project: a murder whodunit comedy miniseries. From a personal perspective, I’ve seen how hard he and his team have worked on this and now they get to have a real finished thing out in the world— INSPIRING tbh!
I also had the exclusive privilege of watching the first four episodes (our of six so I still don’t know how it will wrap up!) but if you have 22 minutes to watch the first episode of Murder for Dummies, you shan’t regret it. And it’ll hook you into watching the next one.
James also writes on Substack about screenwriting and the process of bringing this project to life.
I saw this movie on my birthday and my life is richer for it. Best movie I’ve ever seen for which I also have one thousand notes