"There Is No Movie Like Emilia Pérez"
Vanity Fair really thought they ate with that review pull quote.
My birthday this year coincided with the last day of the Oscars voting window, so in this new year of life, my gift to the world is the end of Emilia Pérez campaigning. If you’re outside of this important coastal-elite bubble, we’re now in the sunsetting of the months-long billboard campaign that boiled down to “three serious women on the phone”. We can finally forget about lead actress Karla Sofía Gascón because—yes very good to trail-blaze as the first transgender actress nominated for an Oscar!— after dozens of bad bad tweets of hers were unearthed, Netflix is no longer campaigning for her. In reading all of these stories and updates (I had to turn my attention to some Hollywood breaking news after the Blake Lively/Juston Baldoni updates became too hard to track), the funniest part to me is that Netflix has publicly stated they’re not paying for her to attend precursor award shows, and it’s tbd if she’ll be sat at the Oscars. Like, thank god we now know what makes Hollywood’s biggest spender put their foot down at spending one thousand dollars on coach airfare. All this on top of the song that stuck from this movie; Netflix be serious for once?
I watched Emilia Pérez in December. Late by Academy standards but also early because it was truly wonderful to watch the world discover this movie and make subsequent silly TikToks when it won the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy, emphasis on the comedy.
Over the past few months (save for some early-2024 outliers), I’ve been cramming to make sure I see all of the Academy Award Best Picture nominees so that I have a Valid Opinion™️. And as I wrote a year ago at this time:
The experience of going to the theater sometimes outweighs the quality of the movie (recall: all movies are fun but tbd if it’s just because I love my snacks).
You can’t ask me about the plot nuances of Nickel Boys but you CAN ask me about when the snacks hit the most or which movie had the worst crowd. So in lieu of movie reviews and in trying to have a topical take on the Oscars with just over a week to go until this season is over, here are my experiences seeing each of the movies on the ballot, in chronological order and pulled from complete memory:
Dune: Part Two - March 8, 2024 - After choosing to rewatch the first Dune during its IMAX re-release a week before, I could only go to see this in IMAX as well (I saw the first one the same day I had a root canal and then chose to eat mall-food-court dinner a few hours later— had to chew only on one side of my mouth 😔). This time I was able to snack with all of my teeth. If there ever was a movie to see on a large screen, ya know?
The Substance - September 27, 2024 - As if there is anything more I can say about thee best picture of the year (see past Substance entires here and here, as a subscriber you surely know that). I had two friends go accompany me (ew they’re a couple, can anybody say third wheel? I got them both Substance apparel for Christmas) but they suggested getting a grab bag of See’s Candies before— if you’ve never seen an infected scar on Demi Moore while indulging in raspberry chocolates… honey hands down the best theater experience of the year. I have seen this movie a second time just to recapture the magic, and, hey, there’s still time to watch it again.
Anora - November 2, 2024 - Can you believe there was a period when this was the presumed best picture frontrunner, and then it faded from the conversation when it was kicked down by Miss Emilia Bedelia, and now it’s BACK?? There reaches a point in the fall when you (me) starts to feel like I’m falling behind, so I made it a point to drag bestie to this saying “this will win awards, just you wait and see”. We are now in the waiting and seeing portion of the above statement.
Wicked - December 7, 2024 - I was at deep risk of having my Los Angeles Homosexual ID card revoked for not seeing this movie until more than two weeks after it’s release. But I busy traveling! However, best believe I’m still bejeweled I clocked in to my AMC app upon landing on domestic soil again.
Emilia Pérez - December 16, 2024 - we find ourselves here. I was so young back then, zoning out for much of this adventure to think of how to phrase my quippy review relating it to Mrs. Doubtfire. But welcome to the first at home viewing of the season. At least I could order Tender Greens (elite restaurant chain) while learning about all of the various surgeries involved.
Conclave - December 20, 2024 - After seeing this well-reviewed-by-normal-people film streaming on Peacock, I said “wow okay great I’ll download and stream on my Christmas plane ride”. CUT TO the day of this travel, I find out the family from whom I leech my Peacock downgraded their subscription to disallow downloads. I, uh, acquired it via… other methods. Messy men casting votes, just like the multiple Survivor seasons in which tribes are divided by gender and a woman won each time.
A Complete Unknown - December 29, 2024 - Reader let me take you on a journey of my travels post-Christmas. After an unclear stomach bug (🚽 imagery!), I had a case of the hiccups for EIGHT STRAIGHT DAYS. My poor esophagus. I saw this Joan Baez movie (she’s the main character in my recollection) with my father and sister and, bless my father’s bad hearing, sat on his deafer side so I could just hiccup again and again. At one point in act two, they subsided for the first time in days and in such euphoria, I took a brief snooze. Wikipedia’d Bob Dylan after.
The Brutalist - January 4, 2025 - So early to the general public seeing this movie that we discovered the intermission element LIVE. For some reason since the movie had not ended, I did not raise my reclining seat during the intermission, instead climbing out of the contraption to go to the bathroom.
Nickel Boys - February 1, 2025 - I met up with my best friend to see this after not seeing each other for a bit. BAD IDEA to schedule this as the first activity of the day when all we wanted was to gossip and giggle. After being underwhelmed (with the movie, not the Twizzlers I smuggled in), we walked next door to Costco and purchased a shiny, expensive trash can.
I’m Still Here - February 8, 2025 - Across eleven months, can you believe I’m still here? Lololol. No but for real, this was better than I had expected. My AMC app rewards accidentally cashed in my free birthday-month fountain drink and popcorn, when I had intended to save those for closer to the day of birth.
So goodbye campaign season. See you next year when there will be 8-10 other movies we’re tired of hearing about. Let Los Angeles return to the stasis of pretending February movies are worthwhile (actually no, The Lego Batman Movie [2017] CAN HEAR YOU!!!!). Look at my Letterboxd profile for my snap judgements of all of these movies; I stand by most of them but regretfully rated Emilia Pérez three stars for “style over substance” whatever that means1
my personal rankings prior to Oscar Sunday: The Substance, Dune: Part Two, Wicked, Anora, The Brutalist, Conclave, I’m Still Here, A Complete Unknown, Emilia Pérez, Nickel Boys
You are the funniest, most clever critic on the planet. You should be nominated for an Oscar!