My Own Eras Tour (Part One)
Caution: up to 4 Taylor Swift references ahead.
Is it stupidly out of fashion to talk about one’s life in little eras? Ever since the word “era” is now unofficially owned culturally by Taylor Swift? But I googled it and she doesn’t own the trademark on the word so every time I type those three letters, I don’t owe a billionaire more money. Era era era era eraaaaaaaa.
Behind-The-Scenes fun fact: I admittedly wrote this silly little bullet point list after I had multiple other drafts that didn’t have enough to constitute full posts. So to celebrate Taylor’s newest album and most tongue-twister album name, it’s a little springtime grab bag! Below is a non-exhaustive list of personal eras I’m in or been in relatively recently. And I’ve used Yelp’s very-subjective dollar sign rating system, so this rambling can be written off as educational.
My Post Office Era: Isn’t the post office great? Whenever I buy postage for a package or an envelope it’s as if I’ve cast the grips of digital life aside like a famished victorian boy who just craves bread for his family. The difficult thing is that I cannot remember going to the post office as a child, but I am eligible for customer of the year the way I’m there at LEAST weekly. The internet makes it very easy to purchase gifts and send them straight to a recipient in fewer than two days, but I thrive on ordering a gift to my address, quaintly wrapping it in the overpriced wrapping paper, and mailing it to that recipient on my own. Sadly this relationship with our country’s mail infrastructure is one-sided, as this one-way relationship with the mail system only comes back to me in the form of political mailers and coupon mailers basically printed on paper made of dust. Also when I go to the post office I usually come home with a non-coffee drink from Starbucks, as a reward, so… $$$ (including my trusty Sesame Street and Buzz Lightyear stamps).
My “Beacon of Health” Era: One day your primary care physician says your cholesterol is a little high and then all of the graphic design and marketing campaign of heart-healthy Cheerios boxes from your childhood comes rushing back. Now, facing another annual physical in a few months, have I done enough to make him happy at this next checkup?? I’m hopelessly optimistic (The glass is mostly full, this publication’s titular role!). It really boils down to the one time I went to a chain BBQ restaurant in November 2023 and ordered broccoli instead of fries as my side (no no, I survived, the juices from my fried chicken sandwich dripped down and coated the broccoli so nicely). And now in 2024, I’m performing my best 2012 cosplay and downloaded (and paid for!) a water-tracking app. I’m on a streak!!! $$$ because healthy food in green-washed packaging truly does cost more than a Hot-N-Ready Little Caesar’s pizza (no I have not given up any food I love — there’s always Lactaid).
My 90 Day Fiancé Era: If Hinge doesn’t work out, connecting to a stranger 400 million miles away via Facebook Messenger always exists!!! This show was THAT GIRL when the world didn’t exist in 2020 and part of 2021. Before watching this show (on a friend’s recommendation), I thought the whole conceit was akin to Married at First Sight or something where you just had 90 days to marry someone. But NO, this is a show buried in international implications, delusional people who may be too delusional to have the “they just want to be on TV” reality show gene. There are dozens of spinoffs in this cinematic universe and I kept up basically until the moment of the first vaccination set, and this show is what I cite for not believing in the concept of romantic soulmates because it is far too much work should my ONE MATCH ON THIS PLANET find me on Facebook from another continent!!!! $ for cheap ole Discovery+ prior to their merger with Warner Bros.
My Bootleg Merch Era: The line at TAYLOR SWIFT | THE ERAS TOUR1 was too long, we got there too late, HAIM’s opening set was wrapping up, the only merch booth was about half a mile from our seats… whew official merch was not in the cards. But almost 4 hours later when she was done taking us through her own eras, voices gone, we decided to buy knockoff t-shirts in the parking lot. It was only when we got home that we saw the list of cities on the back misspelled Glendale, Arizona as GLEADALE. A month later, driving into the parking lot for the Jonas Brothers, we stopped traffic on the single-road-entrance to buy a unique long-sleeve tee which had the bros and Dodgers Stadium on it - it’s cuuuute I promise and hasn’t faded as fast as my official Olivia Rodrigo Sour Tour merch. $, relative to the prices inside the gates
My Being One of the Last People to Buy Physical Media Era: I was an early adopter of Blu-ray disc, which was only slightly misguided in retrospect now that everything is readily available digitally2. There was the “buy your favorite albums on vinyl” sub-era in 2022-2023 but I’m still not fully sold, paying large corporations to stream every month is admittedly easier!! A common “get to know you” question is asking someone what the first album they purchased was but I recently discovered though that a more fascinating query is “what is the last physical album you bought?” It forces some retrospection about when the default purchase method naturally devolved away from CD. For me, it was Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” (2011), if we’re not counting re-purchasing vinyls3. $$$ because even if I move on, I’m paying $10+ for the rest of my life for Apple Music.
My Customer Service Era: I like a customer service interaction. As someone who pre-checks basic troubleshooting steps, I enjoy interacting with a tech support rep who has had a day full of “have you tried to turn it off and back on again?” The frustrating maze of finding a human on the line and the “listen carefully because our menu options have changed,” you know the tried-and-true bits that are designed to frustrate and make us hang up. I’ve been myself on calls, I’ve proxied for other people and been called things like “ma’am” or even, yikes, “Bryan”. I don’t know who that man is. I thrive in a customer service interaction, yet stumble over asserting myself in real life (WORKING ON IT!). I experience a specific type of serotonin boost from both accomplishing a lingering to-do item AND getting it done with a conversational person on the other end who is delightfully happy to make small talk about health insurance or AT&T bill line items. I’m just self-centered enough to think by the time I get on a CSC (customer service call; keep up) with someone in a call center who has talked to Angry Angie after Frustrated Frannie, I have the exclusive opportunity climb on my rickety pedestal and make their day. The breath of fresh air the Apple support line must receive when I, the caller, knows his stuff! It’s giving main character energy, thinking my entering into a mundane aspect of so many people’s lives is actually special when I do it. because my nature sometimes results in larger bills and fees from utility companies I hadn’t planned on spending that day.
Self-portrait when I get on the phone with AT&T to negotiate my bill. My Avatar: The Last Airbender Era: As a goon who foraged his career path in television animation, some peers are jaw-on-the-floor-shocked when I say I had never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender, a show known to transcend its kids genre labels and be heralded as one of the greatest shows of recent history (and the only show aimed at kids on this linked list). Worry not, I’m trudging through my first-time watch as we speak. And this is a show that takes its time4. Listen, if you have a bit of time and you choose to catch up on a show you originally missed, let me suggest: know how many episodes are ahead of you!! I’m writing this as I watch a “we’re stuck and thirsty and hallucinating in the desert” episode that would absolutely be cut in a more modern TV production climate5. Also, I’m glad to cross off this pop culture blindspot of mine, but let’s just say millennial nostalgia really must play a part the rose-colored-glasses reviews 👀. Zero $, because I’m also subscribing to Netflix for other content at all times. We love doing mental math to justify something as free.
Anyway what eras are you in? Because this is the last calendar year you’re officially allowed to use this concept. I have so many questions about TS’s schedule as this her eras tour will not ever end (read: will end in December 2024… we think). But that’s also not enough for a full post. That’s just if you ask me in person.
Way past the era of buying movies on physical disc as the default method, I watched a lovely movie called Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar. Written by and starring Kristen Wiig & Annie Mumulo (same writers as Bridesmaids, one of my top four!!!), I have never in my life had such face pain from laughing so hard during a movie.
Due to pandemic reasons, this originally-slated-for-theaters movie went straight to home for a $20 rental (and had a much smaller audience than it deserved). Shortly after my initial viewing, I decided to buy it on disc (and it also came with a free digital copy!) because I was so obsessed and needed a way to watch it again and again without paying $20 to re-rent it. So this is the last movie I bought, and I was suckered to an instagram ad that made me buy the soundtrack on vinyl. I’m Barb & Star hive and if you’ve never seen this movie, it’s now available to stream.
Really trademarked in this stylization, so just lmk if I now owe the billionaire money.
NOT EVERYTHING! I will loan out my disc of The Holiday at Christmastime if you’re local and nice to me and can give me collateral.
Again, lmk if I now owe the billionaire money.
…he declared, moments after admitting the thoroughness with which he explored the sprawling 90 Day Fiancé universe)
In February, Netflix dropped its 8-episode live-action adaptation of the series. (Season one of three, so let’s do a bit of arithmetic and assume… 24 episodes total?) And critics of the new version say it just doesn’t have the same heart or character-building as the source material. Too much time was cut, storylines smushed together, etc. So-called “filler episodes” are very valuable to getting to know a series!